Spare Legs

The bike picked up speed and swerved in-between two vehicles moving in opposing directions. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Oga, take it easy oh. Ehen!

Bikeman: Ahn ahn madam. Wetin sef? Nothing has happened now

(I paused and considered pursuing that line of argument but I changed my mind

Me: Well, I am just telling you oh because if one tiny scratch just touch my leg, I will not take “sorry” oh

Bikeman: Haaa! Madam are you not a Christian. Can’t you forgive?

(I decided explaining my argument on that last statement would be futile so I don’t bother

Me: You don’t want to find out, trust me. Just drive carefully.

(He makes another crazy swerve to get ahead…)

Me: Oga, e be like say you get spare legs for your house abi? Me I don’t have so you better be careful because next time, I will pinch you

Bikeman: Na wa oh. Be like say you get vex issues. You just dey para since

Me: Oga, na you get your mouth. Drive me gently

(He drove safely and got me home in one piece)


Copyright 2016 @ Seyi Ogunsi

How To Make Friends on Facebook

Having heard of endless stories of social media-originated friendships and romances gone-wrong, I developed an aversion for making friends online. Nonetheless, after several accusations, I decided to be a little friendlier and respond to some chat requests. Still, it’s been difficult making friends with most because the conversation hardly ever goes right.

At some point, I sat down to think about it and I realised a few things that seem to make it difficult.

Salutation: “Sup”, “Xup”, “Hy”: What are those? Say hello and introduce yourself with the name you prefer to be called (Yes, even if your name is obviously on the chat). Avoid sharing your biodata before you get a response, it can be overwhelming and off-putting. Just keep it simple

For example, “Hello, my name is Debola. How are you doing?”

Endearments: I promise you that English words were not created in a vacuum or as fillers, they all have meaning. So “Dear” for instance, is for someone who is in actual fact, dear to you. REFRAIN from using endearments such as Honey, dear, sweetie, babe, and baby in addressing someone who is a total stranger. While you may mean well and use endearments in the hope that it makes the other person comfortable, it almost always has the reverse effect. It is cheesy at best..

Location: Mehn, don’t ask me where I live. Are you an armed robber looking for the next hit? If you want to be friends, get to know me. Be patient enough to get to know me (the person) before you ask to see me or ask about where I live.

Contact info:

Beep! #Email address.

Beep! #Phone number

Beep! #BBM PIN

Beep! Beeeeppp!! Beeeeeeeeepppp!!!

I am just here staring at the screen, as you download all your details, hoping you will also drop the info to your safe deposit box too. Such Nonsense!

Sharing Information: I get that you want to move the friendship along quickly but I am of the school of thought that friendship takes time to build. So please, resist the urge to share the heavy stuff or baggage immediately. I really sympathize with you but I honestly don’t want to have details of your divorce or heart break, I’m not a counselor nor do I run a rebound agency.

The Love-talk: Oh my days! This one just makes me want to yank my hair out. You love me? For real? For real for real? Why and how did you think this tactic would work or do I have desperado written on my forehead? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME! And of course, you absolutely don’t know what you want, if you did, you’d try to get to know me and see if I am what you want or not.

The Sex-talk: Wait, how did we get here? No wait, how did YOU get here? It is in complete poor taste for you to brooch this subject with someone who is a complete stranger or even to flirtatiously make references (whether connotative or literal).

The Proposal: You know what? Read the last two points again. I might just have a headache if I have to elaborate here…

You see these things are a complete turn-off for most males and females of worth. Just because Facebook calls us friends does not mean we are. Like I have already explained, it takes time to build rust and true friendship. So, if you must make friends online, invest time to build it and not merely rush the process because it hardly ever works!

Copyright 2015 @ Seyi Ogunsi

Pouring Pores

Can I just say first of all that I do understand that we are not all the same. I know each person has a distinct genetic make up and that our bodies react differently even to the same things but let us be clear on one thing, your genetic makeup or body reaction is not an excuse to inconvenience or hurt other people. I am very serious!

It is completely okay to sweat buckets, its no one's fault really but thank God for the wisdom he has bestowed upon some to produce effective antiperspirant deodorants and fragrances that mask unpleasant odour. Buy them, use them and smell nice.

Recently, I took a napep headed to Ogba. I was the first to get in after which the next passenger came in with a gigantic map of sweat around his armpit area. I squashed in the corner, angling my shoulders not to make direct contact with his armpit. If that was all I had to deal with, I definitely would have lived.

The stench oozing from his armpits were so pungent, at some point, I shifted till I had my back to him and my nose was out of the napep; I needed the breath of fresh air. It may seem mean, but it honestly was that bad, I was almost choking.  There are times I sit beside pleasantly fragranced men and women, though far between, those days make bus-riding pleasant.

#TalesOfACommuter

Musings of a 360° lady: #10 Things to Discuss before "I Do"

Courtship is very important and necessary for any intending couple to observe, if they want to enjoy their marriage. When I listen to some couples share their problems, I sometimes wonder if they really courted. Courtship enables you to know each other's strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes; it enables you affirm your decision to marry the person or confirm your need to run far away from them.

The flurries of Life

I struggled to find quiet in the silence.

The walls closed in on me in the open space,

Even as claustrophobia rose to choke me throat.

In my crave for calm to this insanity,

I raced into the crowd for refuge,

Trusting the multitude will provide repose.

I search for tranquil in familiar faces

But there is to be no warmth nor home here

I snapped round around like a carousel

Eyes darting in search of the now incessant piercing scream

Hands jerking to defend eardrums threatening to burst

As an ache slammed smack into the fore of my head

Finally, I found my throat was the screeching culprit

My detached mind unaware,

My reflexive hand reaches to yank a handful of hair

Then the sudden tear-spill seized

Drops hanging mid-air and motions stilled

In that moment of earthal pause

Eyes brightened, cheeks blushed,

Shoulders squared, slouch straighten,

And the world relived with my springy step…

Copyright 2015 @ Seyi Ogunsi