Having heard of endless stories of social media-originated friendships and romances gone-wrong, I developed an aversion for making friends online. Nonetheless, after several accusations, I decided to be a little friendlier and respond to some chat requests. Still, it’s been difficult making friends with most because the conversation hardly ever goes right.
At some point, I sat down to think about it and I realised a few things that seem to make it difficult.
Salutation: “Sup”, “Xup”, “Hy”: What are those? Say hello and introduce yourself with the name you prefer to be called (Yes, even if your name is obviously on the chat). Avoid sharing your biodata before you get a response, it can be overwhelming and off-putting. Just keep it simple
For example, “Hello, my name is Debola. How are you doing?”
Endearments: I promise you that English words were not created in a vacuum or as fillers, they all have meaning. So “Dear” for instance, is for someone who is in actual fact, dear to you. REFRAIN from using endearments such as Honey, dear, sweetie, babe, and baby in addressing someone who is a total stranger. While you may mean well and use endearments in the hope that it makes the other person comfortable, it almost always has the reverse effect. It is cheesy at best..
Location: Mehn, don’t ask me where I live. Are you an armed robber looking for the next hit? If you want to be friends, get to know me. Be patient enough to get to know me (the person) before you ask to see me or ask about where I live.
Beep! #Email address.
Beep! #Phone number
Beep! #BBM PIN
Beep! Beeeeppp!! Beeeeeeeeepppp!!!
I am just here staring at the screen, as you download all your details, hoping you will also drop the info to your safe deposit box too. Such Nonsense!
Sharing Information: I get that you want to move the friendship along quickly but I am of the school of thought that friendship takes time to build. So please, resist the urge to share the heavy stuff or baggage immediately. I really sympathize with you but I honestly don’t want to have details of your divorce or heart break, I’m not a counselor nor do I run a rebound agency.
The Love-talk: Oh my days! This one just makes me want to yank my hair out. You love me? For real? For real for real? Why and how did you think this tactic would work or do I have desperado written on my forehead? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME! And of course, you absolutely don’t know what you want, if you did, you’d try to get to know me and see if I am what you want or not.
The Sex-talk: Wait, how did we get here? No wait, how did YOU get here? It is in complete poor taste for you to brooch this subject with someone who is a complete stranger or even to flirtatiously make references (whether connotative or literal).
The Proposal: You know what? Read the last two points again. I might just have a headache if I have to elaborate here…
You see these things are a complete turn-off for most males and females of worth. Just because Facebook calls us friends does not mean we are. Like I have already explained, it takes time to build rust and true friendship. So, if you must make friends online, invest time to build it and not merely rush the process because it hardly ever works!
Copyright 2015 @ Seyi Ogunsi