I’M A RECLUSE…………SUE ME!

I am a chronic recluse and I have been officially given a prescription, after careful observation, of a hang-out with the opposite sex (I see you rolling your eyes oh!).

I know some of you find it hard to believe I’m a recluse, that’s not a problem really; all you have to do is try, if you can, to remember the last time I hung out with you. Now, my hang-outs, no matter how far in-between, are always memorable so if you are still trying to remember, the answer is probably never. Still don’t think it’s chronic???

Anyways, I’m too bloody picky for my own good so let’s just toss the opposite sex hang-out out the window, for now.( We may have to go get it back later…

Now, the stupid versions of me still wait around for no-guy to pick up their bills whenever they want a treat. I am not an all-over-the-place babe so no need fooling myself.

Last Friday right, I walked into an eatery to get myself ‘treats’ for a late Friday movie (what can a girl like me do na???). Nyways, on my way in, I had seen some really pleasant looking guys but no one walked up to me.

As I moved closer to the counter, an old neighbour popped out of nowhere and was saying how tickled he was to see me (Bla! Bla!! Bla!!!). I remained polite and walked towards the counter, thinking he would come along. For where! The guy just disappeared into thin air (no surprise there anyway, the guy broke gaan!)

I got my order and made my way past the doorman who greeted me a little too much (unfortunately, I don pocket the change already. No show!)

“Psssssssssssssssssssss!” a cat called.

I glanced backwards for a mono-second and realised one of the pleasant looking guys had called. I simply ignored him and kept walking towards the herd of bike men near the gate.

Why didn’t I answer?

No. 1: he really could have called me before I went in to buy stuff but he didn’t (my honest truth, I wouldn’t have asked him to pay my bill if he had). This means he is most likely cheap. No thanks!

No. 2: he cat-called?! The guy obviously has no respect for ladies cos I’m sure I didn’t look anything less.

Never mind, another reclusive Friday night awaited me and………I WASED GONNA LOVE YIT! (……and you can roll ya yiz all ya want, I don kia!)s

TOO MUCH LIGHT!

I know most of the people I’m friends with are usually sensitive enough not to brooch the issue of my skin colour but common, it’s there right?? That does not mean I’m authorizing you to gather together to clap and chant ‘oyinbo pepper, if you eaty pepper’ for me oh! #justsaying.

Now tell me if this is normal…..

I’ll deviate a bit somewhat. Whenever, I’m chilling with my brother, I feel like I’m just chilling with a separated part of me. I suppose that is what being a sibling is all about.

However, for the life of me, I just can’t stand being in the same room with another whitey. Just yesterday, I had walked into a film shop and was making enquiries when a ‘kindred brother’ walked in. I made attempts to go on with my enquiries but the moment he said hello, I ran out of there while the shop attendant was still in mid sentence.

It just seemed to be too much to handle.  Next thing you know, I’m starting a ‘clique for goldies’. Perhaps we should find a settlement somewhere in Ogun state??? We’ll call it the fraternity of light……yuck!

My point is, if we were both dark –skinned, we wouldn’t care and caring in this circumstance seems a bit weird yeah?? Like most will say, I’m a straight arrow!

I REALISE……….

I know quite a lot of things but I am yet to realise quite a lot too. For instance, I know God is wonderful in the way He designed the mother-conception and baby growth cycle. However, I just realised just how wonderful it really is. It was like it just dawned on me.

In the same way, I have always known that we do not all have the same level of intelligence or depth of thinking which is probably due to our differences in background, level of education and exposure, genetic make-up, amongst other things. Yet, I have never been able to realise exactly why some people are not so intelligent.

At the risk of seeming arrogant, I feel like it’s just so unfair to the rest of us, being saddled with the responsibility of resorting to simplistic conversations. Now I’m not claiming to be one of the most intelligent people in the world (but how much more intelligent can you get anyway???). Anyway, that’s not really my grouse.

Why the **** do people ask questions with obvious answers? Yeah, you share my rage? Thank you then. Good to know I’m not alone in this!

Oh here’s one! I was chilling with my colleague today, gisting him about how hard life was as a corper, having to sometimes live on N500 for two or even three days (I’m not making that up).

“Seyi have you finished service?” he asked.

I just froze. I could hear him asking again and calling my name but all I did was stare.

I really didn’t mean to be rude but I suddenly felt like I had been transported to another island even though we were still in close range. It was like an invisible barrier had been drawn up in the instant he asked that question.

I had the answer to his question at the tip of my tongue but it seemed the no-dumb-questions climate of my lone island stopped me from finding my voice or even opening my mouth.

Finally, he gave up and went back to playing his game while I made a mental note of my responsibility to my fellow human brothers- simplistic conversations!