What Bunmi Finally Got To Say!

She has literally become a shadow of herself, losing confidence and esteem as the relationship progresses and time passes. She has never really been upset by the things she deserved and never got, or the ones that were wrongfully taken away from her. What drove her crazy was how she was treated, how her entitlements were denied her and how the others were snatched from her.

Bunmi is in a relationship with a significant other who holds most of the trump cards... or so she believes. Bunmi is in a relationship, one that has evolved to become psychologically and emotionally abusive. She is no saint, she has her faults in truth but she has continually been raped by her significant other, usually with a grin on his face.

Each time, she would look her significant other in the face, unable to fight or scream or scold because he holds most of the trump cards... or so she believes. Through it all, she has never really been able to do anything or hurt her significant other, there was simply no way out and so she has never had any form of respite till today.

Today, her significant other raped her again! He took from her what he shouldn't have. Again, it wasn't about what he was taking it, it was about HOW he was taking it. She could never understand why he had to take things from her like she was a gutter snipe who didn't even deserve the very air she breathes, when as a matter of fact, she knows deep down she deserves better.

Oh, how bitter Bunmi was! How much she wanted to get back at him without off-setting the trump cards. No, this wasn't about getting her valuables back. This was not about getting revenge. This was a matter of reserving whatever little dignity she had left. This was about self-respect and standing up for herself.

She didn't want much today. Matter of fact, she wanted only one thing today. She had to get it done today or she might as well walk away leaving all the trump cards with her significant other. She got what she wanted! She got to say "FUNK YOU" to her significant other, and this time, with a smile on HER face. Oh... and FUNK the trump cards too!

Copyright 2016 @ Seyi Ogunsi

Spare Legs

The bike picked up speed and swerved in-between two vehicles moving in opposing directions. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Oga, take it easy oh. Ehen!

Bikeman: Ahn ahn madam. Wetin sef? Nothing has happened now

(I paused and considered pursuing that line of argument but I changed my mind

Me: Well, I am just telling you oh because if one tiny scratch just touch my leg, I will not take “sorry” oh

Bikeman: Haaa! Madam are you not a Christian. Can’t you forgive?

(I decided explaining my argument on that last statement would be futile so I don’t bother

Me: You don’t want to find out, trust me. Just drive carefully.

(He makes another crazy swerve to get ahead…)

Me: Oga, e be like say you get spare legs for your house abi? Me I don’t have so you better be careful because next time, I will pinch you

Bikeman: Na wa oh. Be like say you get vex issues. You just dey para since

Me: Oga, na you get your mouth. Drive me gently

(He drove safely and got me home in one piece)


Copyright 2016 @ Seyi Ogunsi

How To Make Friends on Facebook

Having heard of endless stories of social media-originated friendships and romances gone-wrong, I developed an aversion for making friends online. Nonetheless, after several accusations, I decided to be a little friendlier and respond to some chat requests. Still, it’s been difficult making friends with most because the conversation hardly ever goes right.

At some point, I sat down to think about it and I realised a few things that seem to make it difficult.

Salutation: “Sup”, “Xup”, “Hy”: What are those? Say hello and introduce yourself with the name you prefer to be called (Yes, even if your name is obviously on the chat). Avoid sharing your biodata before you get a response, it can be overwhelming and off-putting. Just keep it simple

For example, “Hello, my name is Debola. How are you doing?”

Endearments: I promise you that English words were not created in a vacuum or as fillers, they all have meaning. So “Dear” for instance, is for someone who is in actual fact, dear to you. REFRAIN from using endearments such as Honey, dear, sweetie, babe, and baby in addressing someone who is a total stranger. While you may mean well and use endearments in the hope that it makes the other person comfortable, it almost always has the reverse effect. It is cheesy at best..

Location: Mehn, don’t ask me where I live. Are you an armed robber looking for the next hit? If you want to be friends, get to know me. Be patient enough to get to know me (the person) before you ask to see me or ask about where I live.

Contact info:

Beep! #Email address.

Beep! #Phone number

Beep! #BBM PIN

Beep! Beeeeppp!! Beeeeeeeeepppp!!!

I am just here staring at the screen, as you download all your details, hoping you will also drop the info to your safe deposit box too. Such Nonsense!

Sharing Information: I get that you want to move the friendship along quickly but I am of the school of thought that friendship takes time to build. So please, resist the urge to share the heavy stuff or baggage immediately. I really sympathize with you but I honestly don’t want to have details of your divorce or heart break, I’m not a counselor nor do I run a rebound agency.

The Love-talk: Oh my days! This one just makes me want to yank my hair out. You love me? For real? For real for real? Why and how did you think this tactic would work or do I have desperado written on my forehead? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME! And of course, you absolutely don’t know what you want, if you did, you’d try to get to know me and see if I am what you want or not.

The Sex-talk: Wait, how did we get here? No wait, how did YOU get here? It is in complete poor taste for you to brooch this subject with someone who is a complete stranger or even to flirtatiously make references (whether connotative or literal).

The Proposal: You know what? Read the last two points again. I might just have a headache if I have to elaborate here…

You see these things are a complete turn-off for most males and females of worth. Just because Facebook calls us friends does not mean we are. Like I have already explained, it takes time to build rust and true friendship. So, if you must make friends online, invest time to build it and not merely rush the process because it hardly ever works!

Copyright 2015 @ Seyi Ogunsi