Nigeria, We Hail Thee……NOT!

Prior to the elections that took place in April 2011, there were series of bombing and security threats in the country. I have never been a politics fanatic but I was particularly struck by the bombings in Jos. Perhaps what caught my attention and even appalled me about the whole matter was that our then acting President made a visit to the distressed areas and refused to make references to the tragic situation. He offered no word of comfort nor made promises to bring the hoodlums to justice.

It was at this point that my red flags started to shoot up and my “retard” alert started to blare. I, of course made made sure to point this out to anyone who so much as mentioned his name. We all got carried away by sentiment because the man-child with no shoes was about to be “cheated” by those who preached zoning. Quite a number of people where even blasphemous enough to proclaim him messiah! We got “hypnotised” by the series of “goodlucks” that Goodluck has had:

·         Going from Assistant Prefect to Head Prefect

·         From Deputy Governor to Governor and

·         From Vice-President to President

I suppose it didn’t matter that negative things had to happen to his direct boss in each case before he replaced them? Goodluck indeed!

We voted him in and trouble started. Boko Haram, which the President has declared is partially dominated by some members of the civil service, has continually bombed and attacked innocent citizens of this country, wasting lives at will, even on a day as sacred as Christmas. Our beloved President did not at anytime lash out in anger nor make threats, even if they are empty ones.

He even had the guts to tell us on National television that the bombings- the loss of lives and property, the security threats- are part of the burden that Nigerians must bear. I mean, when the President and the Commander-in-Chief of armed forces of Nigeria tells you that you just have to bear the loss of life and lack of security, he tells you in other words that he cannot provide you with security and that you are on your own , whatever happens. What else could you possible expect from that kind of leader???

He told Nigerians that fuel subsidy will be removed in April 2012 but decided it would be best as a New Year heart-felt gift to us all.

Fuel Subsidy removal! What for? Obonjo Iweote tells me it is for:

·         Provision of vocational skills training to reduce unemployment

·         Empowering private business owners to create more and better paying jobs

·         Provision of better health services to reduce maternity death rates

·         Repairing federal roads to reduce accident rates

·         Improvement of the educational system

·         Assess to better power supply

·         Provision of buses for better transportation

·         Bla blab la bla!

Let me tell you something grandma, Nigerians may have suffered and smiled for a long time but most of us certainly aren’t retards (I really can’t speak for good luck here). Do you really think we do not know that these things have always been listed in the national annual budget for God-know-how-long now?? Do you think we have forgotten that these are the things our Presidential aspirants, quite sadly and unfortunately, have been using as campaign strategy since Nigeria’s independence??

Can anyone of you or the past presidents and governors account for all the money that has been allocated for these things in the past years?? Oh! Sorry I forgot…they are in private off-shore accounts, so well hidden that even EFCC doesn’t have enough evidence to nail y’all. Hasn’t there been money allocated for these things this year???

Let’s even assume that you really care and we do need to remove subsidy, what steps has government officials taken to show that they are truly committed to this cause??? Have you stepped forward to state that you all will cut down considerably on your outrageous allowances and salaries?

Jonathan wakes up every day to wear his expensive ever-mourning regalia and sits to a table of breakfast costing just a token of N800, 000 which even a person on minimum wage does not make in a year. Or perhaps we should discuss the necessity for him to change all furniture and utensils in Aso Rock, seeing that Yar’adua died there and cancer has become contagious???

Imagine Goodluck getting house rent, transport, feeding and clothing allowance? Aren’t there tailors permanently at Aso-Rock? And house- rent? What does he need transport allowance for? Does he buy fuel for his convoy or his private jets???

Walahi! Someone ought to give good luck 10 drinks of liver salt a day, he just might grow one!

HOME SWEET HOME!

Maxine was folding and packing some clothes into a small travelling bag. She was doing it with quite a lot of vexation. Emerald, her ‘bunkie’, asked for Maxine’s gold pearl earrings which she always wore with her own brown mini gown.

The request made Maxine snap, “Isn’t it about time you bought yours?”

Now, Maxine has never really been your average cuddly and mushy kinda girl but something was obviously wrong.

“You are going away for the weekend.” It wasn’t a question. Emerald’s voice was laced with so much pity.

I have never been able to understand how Maxine and Emerald could possibly have a connection that runs deep but they do. You see, Maxine is a rich kid with parents who are constantly fighting, arguing or insulting each other. They obviously love her to bits because she never goes without but still, she is affected by the lack of love between her parents.

Emerald on the other hand has parents who love each other and make sacrifices but constantly have to struggle to make ends meet. You might say my roommates became such close friends because they find what they long for in each other’s family.

With a lot of plea in her eyes, Maxine asked, “Go with me?”

Emerald graciously declined because she had a date with her recent and rather rich catch. Actually though, I know the real reason she refused was that she was beginning to tire of Maxine’s family drama, regardless of all the luxury she enjoys.

Emerald was beginning to realise that the home she has is golden, even if she has to borrow jewellery and shoes every now and then.

“I’ll walk you to the gate?!”

“You really don’t have to but thanks for offering”

It was sad really, watching Maxine struggle just because she has to go spend the weekend with her parents. She zipped up her bag with so much exaggerated effort and headed for the door. My heart went out to her as she walked off with slumped shoulders as if she had a 50kg cement bag on each one. I watched her as she headed home….

EvonPink Quotes:

“We can be more than what the world perceives of us but we can never be more than what we perceive of ourselves because that is where our efforts end.” 

"Life is a bed of roses with a sprinkle of thorns around them. You may prick your hand and may need a plaster, but whatever you do, be sure to get a rose!"

"The literary device I am most impassioned about is 'sarcasm. Matter of fact it should be an ART on its own as it takes creativity and intelligence to use it appropriately and effectively."

"Only you can make the change you want to see in your life happen."

"Our capabilities are limitless but it takes a person with a truly broad, bold, open, intellectual and imaginative mind to use even half of those capabilities. It's up to you..."

"In life, hope and strive for the best and even if you don't get 100%, what you get will be close enough."

STRENGTH

I am a woman,
Of that I am proud.
They say I am of the weaker sex,
It really is no bother.
I may not lift heavy weights,
I may not have muscled arms,
I may not run long races,
I may not jump over high walls. Still,
They are wrong!
I have strength:
Strength to give all of myself
And when I have been trampled upon,
Strength to rise and start over.
I am resilient.
I am intelligent. Though
I may subject myself to the whims of he who has not fully discovered himself. Yet,
I have self-respect which will not be subjected to your caprices.
I have dreams, hopes and aspirations which will not be dashed nor toyed with by your gross selfishness.
I have self-worth which no waste of time, emotion and effort can devalue.
I am the fullness of strength unknown to man.
I am one thing God created that cannot be debased.
I am a woman!
Of that,
I am proud.

I’M A RECLUSE…………SUE ME!

I am a chronic recluse and I have been officially given a prescription, after careful observation, of a hang-out with the opposite sex (I see you rolling your eyes oh!).

I know some of you find it hard to believe I’m a recluse, that’s not a problem really; all you have to do is try, if you can, to remember the last time I hung out with you. Now, my hang-outs, no matter how far in-between, are always memorable so if you are still trying to remember, the answer is probably never. Still don’t think it’s chronic???

Anyways, I’m too bloody picky for my own good so let’s just toss the opposite sex hang-out out the window, for now.( We may have to go get it back later…

Now, the stupid versions of me still wait around for no-guy to pick up their bills whenever they want a treat. I am not an all-over-the-place babe so no need fooling myself.

Last Friday right, I walked into an eatery to get myself ‘treats’ for a late Friday movie (what can a girl like me do na???). Nyways, on my way in, I had seen some really pleasant looking guys but no one walked up to me.

As I moved closer to the counter, an old neighbour popped out of nowhere and was saying how tickled he was to see me (Bla! Bla!! Bla!!!). I remained polite and walked towards the counter, thinking he would come along. For where! The guy just disappeared into thin air (no surprise there anyway, the guy broke gaan!)

I got my order and made my way past the doorman who greeted me a little too much (unfortunately, I don pocket the change already. No show!)

“Psssssssssssssssssssss!” a cat called.

I glanced backwards for a mono-second and realised one of the pleasant looking guys had called. I simply ignored him and kept walking towards the herd of bike men near the gate.

Why didn’t I answer?

No. 1: he really could have called me before I went in to buy stuff but he didn’t (my honest truth, I wouldn’t have asked him to pay my bill if he had). This means he is most likely cheap. No thanks!

No. 2: he cat-called?! The guy obviously has no respect for ladies cos I’m sure I didn’t look anything less.

Never mind, another reclusive Friday night awaited me and………I WASED GONNA LOVE YIT! (……and you can roll ya yiz all ya want, I don kia!)s