Circling Cycles

I stand amid the habitual buzz and bustle

Failed by the remarkable strength which always carries me along with the throng

Drowned by the intensity of my pursuits and the weight of my duties

Alone in a crowd too absorbed in their cares to perceive

Transiting into a phase of weariness

The kind that makes being strong Herculean

And the possibilities of vulnerability, enticing

Though at the peril of susceptibility to sheeply preys

Propriety restricts my impulses to scream

The resolve which I currently detest refrain me from letting loose the waterworks

Today, I withdraw my shoulder and palm of comfort from my burdeners

As I scurry off in search of that which will serve me

Albeit, vulnerability be attractive

With a long to, without restraint, bare my heart to the unjudging

And at once, at loss as to whom it might be

As these who were, are losing ground hold.

Without doubt, there are those with honest hearts and profound intentions

Nonetheless, I do not will to reveal

For fear of being distinguished as that which I currently desire to be...

Faint!

So unclear, uncertain and uncommitted

I tow around on me the weight of my pent-up sufferings

Frustrated by the vividity of unshed concerns

Who in themselves are of no State import

Yet, possess a sensitivity that makes revelation a work of care

The eventuality of this phase is the surety that my detested strength will return

At a calculated moment of undeniable acceptance, complete with open embrace

Accompanied by a duty to be her I used to be

And a recall to pended obligations

With irritation that is self-directed

I re-receive the unattended 

Then reflect on the carousel that has become me.

Coup de Coeur

Just like a sore that wouldn’t heal,
Contentiously secreting contaminant puss,
He surges through the vessels of that heart,
Invading every space and eliminating the welcome,
Taking charge of a kingdom he has no right visiting..
 

All efforts to excommunicate become futile.
It is as though a siege occurred in a moment of forgotten relapse.
Then in surrender, thoughts of adjustments are birthed.
But this reign will tolerate no communion.
 

What shall then be done?
Torn between the "Upside Down" worlds,
With attempts at whisking the oil and water that will not merge;
Living neither there and nowhere nor here and somewhere.
 

On this rule that leans over life-length,
The bitter-sweet-sour merry-go-round that spins the world into a blur;
How shall I settle?
Indeed, doomed it seems I have become

OUTLET

These teardrops roll down my blushed cheeks
Those, usually mistaken for weakness
Those that are an expression of actual passion

 
Of anger when I love too much to bark an endless spiral of condescending words
Of hurt when I feel a literal pain in my heart having been dealt a blow by someone perhaps too close
Of disappointment when I am stunned by the actuality of him held in esteem

 
Of a physical evacuation of the venom that wells within me
An alternate to utterances whose eventuality would be regret
Shed to leave the soul purified and the heart without grievance
These tears, I shed

The Deceit of Norms

Breathing is normal and so is eating and sleeping. Everyone must grow up and transit from a duty-free child to be a responsible adult. We may marry and have children. We must work and earn a living, regardless of whether it’s a corporate job or personal business venture. We must look out for our best interests and of those we love…these are normal!

In the Nigerian context, some generations ago, it was normal for kids to eat sand. All children, regardless of gender, played with tires, simulating a moving vehicle. It is normal for kids to talk back to elder nowadays or at best, demand an explanation for instructions given. It is normal to swerve out and drive off on a one-way lane if the traffic is heavy on the rightful lane. It is normal to accept money after freely rendering help. Incentives must be offered before corporate organizations carry out their social responsibility. Where I have influence, a person should receive instant employment simply by virtue of being related. Even though I studied for my exams, I can at least ask my friend for the answer to one objective question I’m not sure of…these have become normal.

We grew up to know and accept the actions, principles and norms that go on around us. The occurrences being established in our subconscious inadvertently become the standard by which all similar occurrences are measured and/or certified. Sometime, we get more exposure and realize the folly of our gauge factors and then we make amends where necessary. We, the ones who collectively make up the society, eventually pressure all those around us to succumb to the power and pressure of unspoken and implicit standards.

When inevitable excess step in, we call for moderation and balance based on these principles, based on our uniquely enforced but clearly unstated and undocumented rules. We mount pressure to eventually retract the right reactions from excessive personalities and in time, they submit and reshape to societal dictates and principles. These implicit codes and principles over time and generations usurp more and become as invincible as the even the law. These become ancient rules passed down by fore-fathers, therefore becoming unquestionable and unchallenged, thus gaining increasing potency.

You may be wondering where this is going. Well, let’s explore series of questions that are bound to jerk your thinking neurons. Why do we constantly accept certain things where we ought to question their origin? Who exactly determines what is moderate and on what measured basis is moderation itself determined? What validates the perspective and presumptions of the society? Does the non-acceptance of my actions necessarily mean it is wrong? What empowers societal pressure? What is right?

Before I began this write-up, I had series of answers to give and solutions to proffer; I even had an altogether different perspective to teach on this matter with the sole aim of disabusing and reorienting your minds. Now that I have written all this down on paper, I wonder whether I had a full grasp of the depth of the issue before I started writing. Nonetheless, I will go on and share these:

 
That something "seems" right does not mean it is necessarily right. Convictions does not equal validation

Every rule, law, principle, code of conduct that is operational in life, whether legal or implicit, has a reason that instructs its existence. Whenever such reasons seem unclear or are unknown, it is only fitting that research be made. Long story short, question all things!

A multitude does not equal validation, though they may equal acceptance, therefore learn what is right, what is proper and not merely what is acceptable.

Societal prescriptions and pressures per time, does not mean that everyone’s life must follow the same order. We are all unique and are created for different purposes, so while some accomplishments are basic in life, we aren’t all programmed to achieve them within the same space of time.

These are key points that are to instruct our lives and reorient the fundamental principles and implicit rules we accept as normal. Instead of accepting unexplained and unproven ideologies, let knowledge and research instruct your day-to-day choices and life overall.